why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
