the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
