turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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