no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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