yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
