Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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