We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
