oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
