I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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