bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
