my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
