it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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