I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
