Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
that is very illegal...i love you.
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