The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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