Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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