Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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