Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
