I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize