naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
