you guys were way drunker than both of me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
