no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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