"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
