so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
