He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
