I want to stick my p in your. b.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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