a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
