I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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