when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
