I hate all girls vehemently.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't deserve a penis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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