shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
