all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
