i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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