my sisters under your porch take her home
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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