just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
