dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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