He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
