I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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