So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
