my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
