You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
