You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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