The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
two words...techno handjob
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
