I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
