I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
