Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
