I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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