Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
