Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize