I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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