oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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