Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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