So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
