Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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