I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
