My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dignity is for republicans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
