I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
