i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
