:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
