So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
