you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
